Confused K... what do I say?
Obviously I am a baby's Momma, not Daddy, but I will use this post to understand the mind set of the B(aby's) D(addy). Where do I start? Oh I know. My disclaimer.
The thoughts and opinions expressed in this post DO reflect the thoughts and opinions of the creator of this blog... ME! (Radiance-Mentally)
Here is a bit of pertinent info, in which you must understand in order to empathize with my view of my situation.
In the beginning. Man sought out woman. My BD found me. Yes indeed I did oblige but, let it be known that he was greatly interested in me. Soon our sexual relationship began. He did me. I did him. It was all good. We went out to... movies, malls, concerts, took trips, etc... You know, all the fun excursions "in love" couples do. We truly felt each other was "the one".
During the Middle. It happened. During a night of lust, his sperm swam as fast as he could. As for my cute little egg, she had her fast a*s waiting for him. Before I knew it, Sunshine was in the midst of conception. I didn't even realize I was pregnant until about 8 weeks later. Sunshine was just an embryo. (I) spent day after day sick, attending school, and working 40 hrs a week. (He) spent day after day attending school, working (20 hrs a week), and partying with his frat brothers. I wasn't tripping though- hell I didn't have time to trip. I was too busy doing all I had to do. I spent time (initially) getting insurance prepared, attending Dr's appointments (alone mostly), taking all kinds of meds, not to mention all the other things I had going on in my life at the time. He was there at times. Taking me out to eat. His mom let me stay with them for awhile (my family was in Dallas), because she knew they were the only support system I had. During my free time I babysat, to make extra money due to the fact that I would go on maternity leave. All the while he partied it up with the frat. Did I give ages? Maybe not. I was 21 and he 22 at the time. That explained a lot huh? Things went just like that for the full 9 months then...
The End Approaches. I gave birth to my beautiful Sunshine at 2:45am on Monday, February 10, 2003. As soon as I saw him, I knew I would be in love forever. Only two people (beside hospital staff) joined me in the delivery room. Momma G (my mom) and Confused K (Sunshine's Dad). If only I would have known what awaited me.
The Mind Set of Confused K (my BD)!
I see Sunshine only 2x a week and my mom usually watches him the bulk of the time. I didn't want to pay the child support even though I know that the only reason Rai came to HTown is so that Sun could be in my life (I in his). Did I mention that she didn't even take the full 20% , she gave me a little break. I could care less that Rai takes Sun to work with her daily (she works 12 hr days normally). She better not ask me to pick him up during the week. Who cares that I work an 8-5 and just got a job less than a minute away from hers. Did I mention I have Fridays off? That doesn't matter. I will still get him at 6pm on Friday and she better be prepared to get him back Sunday at 6pm.
Heck, I am doing Her a favor. I am only supposed to get Sun every OTHER weekend. She better be happy I am helping her out. Who cares if I want to take exotic trips and utilize family members when it is my turn to keep my dear Sun? I don't see what the deal is anyway. Sun hates me. He is only 3 and he tells me every time I talk to him. He kicks and screams the majority of the time he comes with me anyway. That's why it really doesn't bother me that I don't see him as much. He is IN LOVE with her anyway. Better for me. She will fill bad if she is not able to spend a lot of time with him so I am scott free!
I love my Sun but, let's face it. I have a life too. My mom raised me by herself. I didn't even meet my dad until I was 21. Rai has it good. She is getting a percentage of my earnings every month. That should be good and plenty. I don't see why she is complaining. At least Sun knows who I am! I will be there enough. Who cares if it isn't every day. That is Rai's job.
Sad huh. But too true!
Note to Men...
Man up and take care of your responsibilities. Child Support is around because children need it. I emphasize the word CHILDREN and NEED. They were not made alone and they should not be finacially supported or raised alone! Sunshine is with his family every weekend. That is because I accept nothing less. He is apart of them as much as he is apart of me. S(ingle) M(oms)! Do all you can to ensure that you have exhausted every avenue for your child to be apart of their other half's life! I sure did!
The End.
~Men...whenwillyouwakeupandtakefullresponsibilityforyourseed?~
The thoughts and opinions expressed in this post DO reflect the thoughts and opinions of the creator of this blog... ME! (Radiance-Mentally)
Here is a bit of pertinent info, in which you must understand in order to empathize with my view of my situation.
In the beginning. Man sought out woman. My BD found me. Yes indeed I did oblige but, let it be known that he was greatly interested in me. Soon our sexual relationship began. He did me. I did him. It was all good. We went out to... movies, malls, concerts, took trips, etc... You know, all the fun excursions "in love" couples do. We truly felt each other was "the one".
During the Middle. It happened. During a night of lust, his sperm swam as fast as he could. As for my cute little egg, she had her fast a*s waiting for him. Before I knew it, Sunshine was in the midst of conception. I didn't even realize I was pregnant until about 8 weeks later. Sunshine was just an embryo. (I) spent day after day sick, attending school, and working 40 hrs a week. (He) spent day after day attending school, working (20 hrs a week), and partying with his frat brothers. I wasn't tripping though- hell I didn't have time to trip. I was too busy doing all I had to do. I spent time (initially) getting insurance prepared, attending Dr's appointments (alone mostly), taking all kinds of meds, not to mention all the other things I had going on in my life at the time. He was there at times. Taking me out to eat. His mom let me stay with them for awhile (my family was in Dallas), because she knew they were the only support system I had. During my free time I babysat, to make extra money due to the fact that I would go on maternity leave. All the while he partied it up with the frat. Did I give ages? Maybe not. I was 21 and he 22 at the time. That explained a lot huh? Things went just like that for the full 9 months then...
The End Approaches. I gave birth to my beautiful Sunshine at 2:45am on Monday, February 10, 2003. As soon as I saw him, I knew I would be in love forever. Only two people (beside hospital staff) joined me in the delivery room. Momma G (my mom) and Confused K (Sunshine's Dad). If only I would have known what awaited me.
The Mind Set of Confused K (my BD)!
I see Sunshine only 2x a week and my mom usually watches him the bulk of the time. I didn't want to pay the child support even though I know that the only reason Rai came to HTown is so that Sun could be in my life (I in his). Did I mention that she didn't even take the full 20% , she gave me a little break. I could care less that Rai takes Sun to work with her daily (she works 12 hr days normally). She better not ask me to pick him up during the week. Who cares that I work an 8-5 and just got a job less than a minute away from hers. Did I mention I have Fridays off? That doesn't matter. I will still get him at 6pm on Friday and she better be prepared to get him back Sunday at 6pm.
Heck, I am doing Her a favor. I am only supposed to get Sun every OTHER weekend. She better be happy I am helping her out. Who cares if I want to take exotic trips and utilize family members when it is my turn to keep my dear Sun? I don't see what the deal is anyway. Sun hates me. He is only 3 and he tells me every time I talk to him. He kicks and screams the majority of the time he comes with me anyway. That's why it really doesn't bother me that I don't see him as much. He is IN LOVE with her anyway. Better for me. She will fill bad if she is not able to spend a lot of time with him so I am scott free!
I love my Sun but, let's face it. I have a life too. My mom raised me by herself. I didn't even meet my dad until I was 21. Rai has it good. She is getting a percentage of my earnings every month. That should be good and plenty. I don't see why she is complaining. At least Sun knows who I am! I will be there enough. Who cares if it isn't every day. That is Rai's job.
Sad huh. But too true!
Note to Men...
Man up and take care of your responsibilities. Child Support is around because children need it. I emphasize the word CHILDREN and NEED. They were not made alone and they should not be finacially supported or raised alone! Sunshine is with his family every weekend. That is because I accept nothing less. He is apart of them as much as he is apart of me. S(ingle) M(oms)! Do all you can to ensure that you have exhausted every avenue for your child to be apart of their other half's life! I sure did!
The End.
~Men...whenwillyouwakeupandtakefullresponsibilityforyourseed?~
posted by CRay at 8:48:00 PM
2 Comments:
I was still waiting to hear about the "run in"... I thought something dramatic had ensued.
But girl, you already know i can relate to the deadbeat daddy situation. Sun is blessed to have a mother and grandparents that love him like they do, OTHERWISE he'd be up a creek without a paddle. And you're such a strong, self-willed black mother... I hope I have you around to hold my hand when I am a mommy, lest I beat the brakes off my little crumbsnatchers! :-)
LEGGS
I obivously don't know the extent of your situation, and please don't take what I am about to write as me taking dude's side. I do not agree with his actions whatsoever. Granted Child Support is around to assist the parent with custody. But often times if the father has custody the mother is not forced to pay child support by the state. Also, there are many women that abuse the system and expect the money given in Child Support to also support them and their habits. Child Support is just that, support for the child. Not support for the mother, not support for the family. Its for that child and that child only. Like I said, I am sure you are not abusing the system. And from what I have read here on your blog in other posts, dude sounds like he wants as little to do with you guys as possible, and for that I am not defending him. You seem to be a strong, loving, and fully capable mother, and I applaud you. I just had a case of mistaken identity back in 03 and have vowed to "HATE" child support abuse in it's many forms. I may write about it today on my blog. I guess all of this is a way of saying 1.) dudes hear about women that abuse CS all the time and that is a contributing reason as to why they may not want to pay CS. 2.) not all men are as terrible as you have come across. There are some good men out there, that get a bad rap for being "too" nice. It's the story of my life, but that's another topic for another time.
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